A few days ago, one of my "floor-mates" (a Scottish girl) and I were sitting in the living room talking about Taiwanese relationships--observations pieced together from talking to our Taiwanese friends and from noticing boyfriends and girlfriends walking around.
Then another guy who lives on our floor walked in (who is from another English-speaking country in North America, but not the U.S.-- I'll leave it at that) and jumped into the conversation. He was strongly disagreeing with our perceptions, which is fine, but he started acting really argumentative about it.
And suddenly, out of nowhere, he blurts out, "Americans are always so quick to compare! They're always comparing themselves with everything and everyone!" I was speechless, actually, though there were many things I could have said in response. Was he not, then, comparing Americans with his "own culture?" And what about Scottish? (She had actually been saying more than I was during our conversation)
I know that America isn't the most popular kid on the block these days, but I was a little offended. It's never the best idea to make an ignorant, generalizing statement about someone's culture to their face. (However, when appropriate, I think it's okay to criticize your own country's shortcomings, as you know it inside and out, and are therefore qualified to point out the good and bad) I can't imagine what he would have said if I'd made a similar comment about his homeland, but I guarantee it wouldn't have been pretty.
In an honest attempt to find the grain of salt seasoning his accusation, I took an inventory of my starry-striped heart. Is there something about where I'm from that makes me ultra-sensitive to differences? Do I quickly point out contrasts that elevate my own ideals, values, traditions, and culture? Do I act smug or superior in light of the differences?
No, no, and no. I think that traveling inspires an awareness... a soul-searching that requires both outer and inner observance. If you don't notice the differences, how can you treasure the undercurrent of sameness in the human race? I can appreciate a warm hug and the language-less story told by children's laughter with more depth because of the "foreign" context. I see a little girl at the park with her father. When she falls and starts to cry, and he scoops her up in his arms, I may not understand the Mandarin he uses to soothe her, and I don't know what expectations he has for his daughter's life or what obligations she will have in her family as she grows up, but... I see the tenderness in his eyes and the protective hand wiping away her tears, and her relief as her father makes everything okay again. And I'm not looking at black hair or creamy olive skin. I'm seeing a father who loves his little girl the way my father loves me. That's connecting, not comparing.
You learn where you come from only after you're no longer there. You understand your own culture better when you're away from it. And you see deeper into yourself when the mirror isn't so familiar. If I am quick to compare, maybe it's just my personality--not a result of where my passport was issued from. And because I've been to lots of places, there are lots of things in the mix when I'm observing people. I'm not necessarily thinking about my kinsmen on the Iowan prairies! Maybe I'm thinking of Ugandans or Costa Ricans or wealthy Chicago suburbians.
So, while I'm not sure what triggered my co-worker's rant, or his openly sour attitude towards Americans, I never really answered his accusation. (I was too taken aback) He'll never read this, which is fine... but I'd like to say that yes, I do compare. But not because I bleed red, white, and blue. Just because I think people are an amazing invention, complicated creatures sprinkled haphazardly around the earth in a stunning display of God's creativity. And I sometimes point out the differences, not with judgment, but with curiosity and celebration. If that makes me a loud, obnoxious American, then God Save the Queen!
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